There are Three Sides to Every Story

Because of my speaking business, I travel a great deal.  Sometimes it is pleasant and exciting, sometimes it is not.  I have learned over the years to go with the flow and not get too stressed about any “travel hiccups” that may occur.  My traveling actually gives me an incredible opportunity to watch people.

This past week I observed a situation that brought to mind my belief that there are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.  While waiting to board a plane in Philadelphia I struck up a conversation with a man whose flight itinerary was identical to mine.  We were both heading home to Kansas City, through Cleveland.  We exchanged the pleasantries of what we each do for a living and surface level discussions of our favorite (or least favorite) sports teams.  He boarded the plane before I did as I was seated in the very first row.

Once in Cleveland we ended up in step with each other again, heading for our connecting gate and he was eager to get my opinion of the flight attendant on the previous flight.

“Boy, that gal sure could have used some of your communication training, eh?”

I thought I knew what he probably meant, but I wanted to be sure.  “How so?”

“Well she sure wouldn’t get a tip in a restaurant.  In fact, she was a down right (expletive deleted).”

Now, this gal was not in anyway soft and cuddly to begin with.  She had a heavy Brooklyn accent and her speech patterns were fast and clipped.  Being farther back on the plane, though, he did not have the benefit of the knowledge I had. 

Sitting as I was in the very first row, I overheard a telephone conversation the flight attendant had just before closing the cabin door.  Her 16 year old son had called her – it appeared that this was his first faux pas.  The conversation went downhill from there.  He apparently had taken their only car to run an errand that day and something had happened to it.  I am not clear on those details.  The point of the conversation though was that this young man had called a friend to pick him up and left the car on the side of the road from where it was apparently towed.  He had gone back with his friend to retrieve something from the vehicle and it was no longer there.  He had no idea where the car was at that point.

The flight attendant was beside herself.  “Do you have any IDEA what towing in the city costs?  I don’t have that kind of money and neither do you.”  She expressed to him, quite forcefully, that he had better find out where the car had been towed and what it was going to take to get the car back.  She would call him when we landed in Cleveland and he had better have some answers by then.  We commiserated a bit, she and I, about how our kids “just don’t get it” and about how tight finances are for all of us.

I shared this information with the man as we walked to our connecting gate.  I said, “Can you imagine having to focus on taking care of us, while worrying about how much the towing and citation is going to cost her?  I think that may have something to do with her clipped tone.”

“Wow,” he said, “I had no idea.  I’d kill the kid.”  (I’m sure he wasn’t serious.)  “I sure hope it doesn’t cost her an arm and a leg.”

Suddenly the man had empathy for the flight attendant, rather than being so quick to label her derogatorily.

There is an old Hopi adage that my mother used to share with me: “One can’t truly know a man until he has walked a mile in that man’s moccasins.”  My spontaneous traveling partner for the trip simply needed to step into the flight attendant’s shoes for a moment to be able to forgive her seemingly poor customer service.

Several of the blogs I subscribe to have recently been bemoaning poor customer service.  Without a doubt, customer service is important.  I would be eager to share with my colleagues (and indeed have to two of them) that the cause of that customer service may be deeper than a perceived lack of work ethic.  Perhaps walking a mile in their shoes would reveal that.

There are three sides to every story.  The man’s side: he received service on the flight that was surly at best.  The flight attendant’s side: she was totally overwhelmed by the thought of the impending expense and her son’s incredible lack of responsibility.  The truth of the matter during that flight lays somewhere between these two realities.

High Road Challenge for the Day:  The next time you receive poor customer service, ask yourself the question, “What might have happened just before I arrived, that would cause this poor service?”  It may need to be a hypothetical question.  If convenient and appropriate, you might ask, in a respectful manner.  “You know, the service I received today is not up to the standard that I have come to expect from you (this establishment).  Tell me, is there something distracting you today?”  Endeavor to walk a mile in their shoes so you can see the other two sides of the story.