What have you done for me lately?

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“Why should I do anything nice for her?  She’s never done anything nice for me.”  A participant asked this question of me this week.  I was discussing the benefits of “priming the pump” – of practicing random acts of kindness.

It is a normal and natural reaction to want to offer a kindness to someone who has been nice to you or offered you a kindness.  It is more challenging to do something nice for someone who has not done anything nice, or has, in fact, been difficult with you.  This was the point I was making to the group this week.  If someone is exhibiting difficult behavior, one exceptional tactic to turn that behavior around is to greet it with random acts of kindness.  The key here is not that they will then do something nice for you in return.  It is about not expecting anything in return.  The focus should not be on what they do, but rather on what you do. 

There is a well-worn adage communicated by that universal sage, “Mom” that specifies, “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.”  That concept is so true.  If you are struggling with someone, do them a favor.  Do something nice for them.  It will be very hard for you to remain disgruntled with them after you have sincerely and humbly done something nice for them while expecting nothing in return.  My answer to the participant was, “It doesn’t matter what she had done for you.  Lead by example and do something nice for her.”

This is what “priming the pump” is about: giving without thought of what you will get back.  It breaks down barriers.  It makes people smile and it has a tendency to be self-perpetuating.  

High Road Challenge for the Day:  “Prime the pump” in your office or place of business. Execute a random act of kindness.  You can plan it out in advance, or let it be spontaneous. 

Here are some quick ideas:

•    Take an hour out of your normal routine and assist someone else with their work load.
•    Buy lunch for a co-worker you know will be working over their lunch hour.
•    Bring some sweets or cookies and place them anonymously in the break room.
•    Physically go to all the people who really mean something to you at work and thank them.  (Do this face-to-face, not by email.)
•    Randomly ask someone with whom you have little interaction if you can make them a cup of tea or coffee.

These are just some ideas to get your mind rolling.  I know you can come up with more terrific ideas.  I would love to hear back from you.  How did you “prime the pump”?  What was the reaction?  How did it make you feel?  I will be excited to hear about it.