Memorial Day - Respect the Sacrifice

Memorial Day - Respect the Sacrifice

It is happening all across America right now.  The enticing scent of barbecue is wafting from backyard grills.  Families are gathering together.  Brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents are greeting loved ones they have not seen in far too long.  City parks and backyards nationwide are alive with games of Frisbee, horseshoes and ladder golf.  As the day turns to dusk, people will gather for memorial concerts performed by local bands or symphonies playing heart-stirring music by Copeland or Sousa. The holiday will be capped off by awe inspiring fireworks underscored by more patriotic tunes.  Invariably, such underscoring will include a beloved tune written and performed by Lee Greenwood.

I’m proud to be an American
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the men who died
Who gave that right to me
And I’d gladly stand up next to you
And defend her still today
Cuz’ there ain’t do doubt I love this land
God bless the U.S.A.

Each time I hear those words I am stunned at their simple and heartfelt sentiment.

Faced with a three-day weekend full of beautiful weather and family we can become wrapped up in celebrating the unofficial beginning of summer.  It is easy to forget the true reason for the day: remembering those who have perished in defense of their country and the ideals upon which it was founded.

While it was not a formal national holiday until 1971, the roots of Memorial Day trace back to 1868 when General John A. Logan of the Grand Army of the Republic, an organization of former sailors and soldiers recommended a day to honor those who had sacrificed their lives in the recent Civil War.  At that point it was called Decoration Day because it was set aside to decorate the graves of the fallen with flowers, flag or anything else deemed appropriate.  During the first commemoration on May 30th, 1868, General James Garfield addressed over 5,000 attendees at Arlington National Cemetery who then worked together to place flags on the graves of 20,000 Union and Confederate solders.  This tradition continues at Arlington today.

Local Decoration Day celebrations began happening annually across the newly reunited nation.  After World War I, the solemnity which had now become known as Memorial Day expanded to include those lost in all American Wars.  While General Logan suggested May 30th as a consistent date for this remembrance, upon it’s formalization in 1971, the holiday was fixed on the last Monday in May, rather than a specific date.

This is the reason we all have a day off of work.  We have this day off to remember.


High Road Challenge for the Day: Memorial Day was set aside as a day to remember the fallen, and honor their sacrifice.  It is so important that we take the time from our family celebrations to do that.  Even if you do not specifically have a family member or loved one lost in battle or duty, take a moment and offer a word of gratitude for the thousands of men and women you DON’T know who died so we could have our patriotic celebration in freedom.

This is not a dress rehearsal. Be in the moment.

This week, while attending a family dinner-out, I found myself intrigued by the people at the table next to us.  Their family grouping included kids, ranging in age from their twenties to the youngest at about six, and three adults.  Each and every time I glanced over at their table, at least one person was talking on a cell phone.  Often many of them were chatting away to invisible others.  The youngest child never seemed to lift her head from the digital game she was playing to keep herself occupied.  The restaurant was loud enough that their cell phone conversations were lost in the general hubbub, so it was not distracting from the dialog at our table.  It was, therefore, not intrusive to me; I was simply intrigued.  I thought to myself, when are they going to engage with each other?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
It is apparently becoming acceptable in 21st century etiquette to chatter away on a cell phone in very public places such as restaurants, grocery stores, sidewalks and parks.  It may not be verbal conversations at all; I often see people with their faces buried in their cell phones, Palms, Blackberries or iPhones as their fingers fly through abbreviated words to each other.

Recently I was in line to check out at the grocery store.  I was behind a woman who was engrossed in her phone conversation.  This conversation was apparently so important that she could not see her child grabbing candy off the rack and dropping it on the conveyor belt.  It was engrossing enough that she could not acknowledge the cashier who was being diligent and trying to verify that the mom really wanted to purchase all the items the child was adding.  Finally the cashier stopped ringing items altogether and waited for the woman to notice.  This delayed my transaction, and yet I had to smile.  I was not at all irritated with the cashier.  She was waiting until the woman engaged herself in the moment at hand.  (Had it lasted too long, I probably would have become irritated with the woman on the phone.  Luckily it did not take that long.)  The woman hastily wrapped up her conversation, pulled the extraneous items off the belt and paid for her groceries.  Before she wheeled her cart away, I saw her stop to dial her phone.

Had the cashier not forced the issue, I am sure the woman would have carried the conversation right through the transaction – working on muscle memory – and probably would have wondered about all the extra items in her bag once she got home.

At my son’s high school commencement ceremony this past week the principal who has guided both of my children through their high school years addressed the parents and guests in attendance.  He recounted a conversation he had with the graduating class as they assembled in the staging room, wherein he made them “pinky-swear.”  (Yes, this man is respected and loved enough by his students that even the roughest of 18 year old boys is willing to “pinky-swear” for him.)  He said, “I made them ‘pinky-swear’ that tonight – for this three hours of their lives – they will not be texting in their laps.  I implored them to….”  He paused and encouraged the graduates to finish his sentence for him.  Roughly 450 voices chimed in with, “BE IN THE MOMENT!” 

I was profoundly impressed. 

Will it last?  Probably not, but for that three hours of time each of the graduates fully experienced everything that was going on around them.  They engaged with each other and were in the moment.

High Road Challenge for the Week:  Involve yourself.  I encourage you to establish standards for yourself that preclude phone calls and texting during meals and other times when conversations with people in your immediate presence can be important.  Take the opportunity to fully engage with the people around you. Be in the moment.

Passive-Aggressive Co-Workers?

I received an email from a reader this week:

"I have an issue with one of my co-workers.  She always steps up to the plate when I ask for help or need anything done.  I appreciate that, but every time she does, she goes an extra mile, does more than I would have and does it in a way that makes me feel incompetent or as if I would not have done it as good as she did.  She is always quick with a compliment, but they seem insincere and condescending.  It makes me dread having her on my committees or even being around her.  I am about to explode and say something I shouldn’t.  What is the High Road response to this?" 

Barbie

 
Hi Barbie, what a great question! I know that many of my readers face similar situations, so thanks for bringing it to the High Road for discussion!

It’s important to remember that on the High Road, there are at least three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth. That means we’ll need to look at the situation from two points of view, with the understanding that the truth lies somewhere between them.

• It is quite possible that her efforts are sincere. You’ve portrayed her as a very capable and organized person.  To conclude that she is going above and beyond on any task simply to make you look incompetent is perhaps reactionary.
  
  Maybe she is a compliance personality (an analyzer, a thinker), and to put forth anything less than an exceptional effort is not acceptable to her.  If that’s the case, it has nothing to do with you in the slightest.
  
  I would also take the opportunity for introspection.  I would ask myself why my co-worker’s extra-mile efforts trouble me.  Do I need to step up my game?  Is there anything that I can learn from my co-worker for personal growth?
  
  It is always my recommendation that we follow the advice of St. Francis of Assisi (and Stephen Covey): seek first to understand.  Don’t assume the worst.  You would not want someone assuming that your efforts were ill-intended from the start - give her the same benefit of the doubt that you would want extended to you. 

• On the other side is the possibility that her intention is to make you look or feel bad.  It might be her passive-aggressive way of sniping at you and/or others.
  
  I certainly have met many people in my life that glean their self-esteem by belittling, stepping on or – in this case – “showing up” someone else's efforts.  (The truly sad result of that is the so-called self-esteem they gather is not a true self-esteem and therefore does not benefit them for any length of time.)
  
  Difficult people behave the way they do because it gets them what they want.  If this is the case with your co-worker, then the desired result is a rise out of you, some sort of reaction to attest to the fact that she has gotten under your skin.  If that is so, then you would not benefit from giving her that reaction.

To “explode and say something I shouldn’t,” in this situation would not be my recommendation.

Whether this is a question of misinterpreted intentions, possible insecurity on your part or possible passive-aggressive tendencies on her part, my recommendation is going to be the same.  Take the High Road.  Flush (that is mentally flush away) your assumptions regarding her intentions and accept each and every one of her efforts with grace and gratitude, and praise her for a job well done.

High Road Challenge for the Week:  Are there people in your circle of concern that you are making assumptions about, with regard to their thoughts, ideas or intentions?  Remember, there are three sides to every story.  Assume the best of intentions on their part and act accordingly. 

I am consistently getting interesting feedback from my readers.  What are your thoughts on this situation?  How would you recommend Barbie respond to this situation?