Knowing When to Let Go

  
It’s happening this week in households across America.  Most specifically, it’s happening this week in my household.  We are packing books, clothes, and dormitory supplies into the car.  Everything else, eighteen years of accumulated, memory-laden “stuff” has been sorted through, cataloged and stored in the basement.  On Wednesday, we will drive our youngest to college and release him into the next chapter of his life.  The mother in me is tied in wretched, emotional knots.  The leader in me knows this is a wonderful and appropriate rite of passage.

Living in the Heartland of America, I have the opportunity to observe the flight of geese twice each year as they make their annual migration south and then north again.  I hear the honking call, and even though I’ve seen it dozens of times. I look up and marvel at their familiar “V” formation.

While my jokester husband will tell you, with a completely straight face, that geese fly in a “V” because it would be too hard to fly in an “S” pattern, there is actually a purpose to the “V” formation they fly in.  First, it conserves their energy. Each bird flies slightly above the bird in front of him, resulting in a reduction of wind resistance. The birds take turns being in the front, falling back when they get tired. This is why the geese can fly extremely long distances before they must stop to rest.  A second benefit to the V formation is that it is easy to keep track of every bird in the group. Flying in formation may assist with the communication and coordination within the group.  Fighter pilots often use this formation for the same reason.  I find this instinctual flight arrangement to be a wonderful, visual representation of a leader’s role within a team. 

In many ways, parenting is the ultimate leadership challenge.  As a parent, I have always endeavored model leadership characteristics for my children, leading by example. Part of true leadership is the ability to recognize when your student, neophyte or child is ready to stand on their own – knowing when they are ready to take the lead and clear their own path for themselves.  Furthermore, a leader must be willing to step into the background at that point and let their pupil stumble a few times while gaining their own stride.

Sometimes it is the leader’s job to be out front, breaking the force of the wind, so as to make the flight of entire team easier.  Other times it is the responsibility of the leader to drop back into the background and honk to cheer the team on, “Go! You can do it.  Go! You can do it.”

This week my role as a leader in the life of my son becomes one of support from the shadows.  Making that transition involves giving up a measure of control and trusting that he has all the skills and character he needs to succeed.  From the background I must now stand and infuse belief into him when his faith in himself falters.  “Go, son!  You can do it.”

High Road Challenge for the Day:  Determine who in your circle of influence you might be holding onto, that could, or should, be released to stand on his or her own merit.  Who is ready to take the lead on a project?  Who can you give more responsibility to?  Part of this process is providing a safe environment for failure, which seems easier to do in a family situation than it would be for a work environment, where dollars and customer base are on the table.  Yet in a work environment it is equally critical for the overall growth of a team.  Believe in them enough to let them wobble a bit.  Stand ready in the background as a cheering section, but let them fly.