Got prejudice?

        

“We are each burdened with prejudice; against the poor or the rich, the smart or the slow, the gaunt or the obese.  It is natural to develop prejudices.  It is noble to rise above them.”  ~Author Unknown


Having settled in for a week with the kids home from college, I had the opportunity last night to enjoy a meal around the table with my whole family. (It’s a very rare treat lately.)  The conversation that grows out of our dinners is always intriguing and refreshing.  Last night’s discourse centered on a perceived prejudice that has arisen with one of my daughter’s friends.  This created a lively discussion about what exactly is prejudice, as compared to cultural norms and practices.

Dictionary.com defines prejudice as: “unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, esp. of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group.” 

I would go beyond that dictionary characterization.  My definition of prejudice (just mine) is any negative feeling toward anyone who looks, thinks, believes, behaves, speaks, dresses, smells, moves or functions differently than I do – any negative feeling toward anyone who is different because they are different. 

As I have mentioned here before and discuss in Road Signs, our goal as High Road communicators is to allow all people to feel comfortable and respected in our presence, while standing our own ground and getting our message across.  In my experience, prejudice is insidious. The negative feelings I used  for my definition of prejudice often originate from understandable circumstances, but slowly take root and grow out of control until the original reasoning is lost. At that point, it becomes each individual’s choice to continue to grant  those feelings control, or to instead choose the high road in order to allow feelings of mutual respect and comfort, which in turn brings about all the benefits of High Road communication.

Here are four steps that will help you choose to travel on the right road.

1.    Investigate your differences – Dr. Stephen Covey, who wrote the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, encourages us to seek first to understand, then to be understood.  That means our job as High Road communicators (the natural extension of our goal) is to meet who we are communicating with at his or her comfort zone – not assume they will meet us at ours.  It is our responsibility to investigate, accept and internalize the differences between us.

2.   Change your perspective – Hopefully investigating your differences will allow you to step into the other person’s shoes and see things from a different paradigm.  Doing so can allow you to empathize with them.  Empathy is a very strong antidote for prejudice.

3.    Modify your reaction – There is a profound difference between reaction and response.  Reaction is emotional, visceral, knee-jerk.  Response requires thought.  When in the presence of someone against whom we have a prejudice (for whatever reason) there is usually a conditioned, physiological reaction.  Hopefully working through these first two steps will allow you to change that conditioned reaction.

4.    Discipline your response – If doing these steps hasn't allowed you to change your reaction and see the person on a more equal ground, I encourage you to discipline your response. Verify that each of your proposed actions and/or words would be equal to situations where no prejudice is involved.


High Road Challenge for the Day – When your gut instinct tells you to perceive someone negatively because they are different in any way, stop.  Work through these steps.  The key to High Road communicating is not to be completely without prejudice.  The key is communicating in a manner such that no one would ever know.

A Rush to Judgement

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I was guilty.  There is no getting around it - I was guilty this week of a rush to judgment, as was most of the nation, the NAACP, the USDA and the White House. 

Early in the week a video snippet was posted by conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart.  He intended to highlight racism within the NAACP.  This video supposedly showed a USDA official, Shirley Sherrod (a black woman, addressing a gathering of the NAACP at the time of her remarks) admitting to racism in her decisions and dealings with a white farmer.  The outcry was loud and lightning quick.  The NAACP issued a statement condemning Sherrod.  The USDA accepted her (forced) resignation.  The story was carried on all of the major cable and broadcast news networks, print and radio. President Obama issued a statement condemning the sentiment.  I, along with the many others who expressed shock and outrage, was alarmed that such a statement could be made by anyone, much less a government official, in a public forum that was obviously being videotaped.

No one took the time to actually speak to Shirley Sherrod or ask her for an explanation of her comments – until later.

In subsequent interviews on CNN, Shirley Sherrod expressed frustration and bewilderment because the point she had actually been making in the address was that she had overcome this initial, gut reaction to the white farmer and had helped him save his farm.  She went above and beyond the call of duty in the effort because no one else was there and willing to help. She utilized the story to encourage harmony and working together, regardless of race.

News agencies took the time, at that point, to do some research and listen to Ms. Sherrod’s entire address in context.  As it turns out, this is the message she expressed in the speech she gave to the NAACP that day.  The farmer referred to in the piece made a public statement supporting Sherrod and referring to her as a dear friend.  Suddenly the tables had been turned on everyone.  NAACP President Benjamin Jealous issued an apology to Sherrod, saying his organization had been “snookered” by the group editing the video.  The President apologized and the USDA backpedaled by offering Sherrod a new position within the agency. 

Shirley Sherrod has yet to decide if she will accept the new position offered her.  She seems to be the only one in this situation who takes time to think things through.

There has also been a quick backlash against Breitbart  for the seemingly manipulative edit done on the video in the first place.  Breitbart has expressed this was not about Sherrod.  It was intended to highlight (in his opinion) racism within the NAACP by showing the supportive response Sherrod received to her initial thoughts toward this white farmer.  I think I have learned a very valuable lesson in all of this and will withhold a judgment on Breitbart's motives until I have more information.

It is never wise to rush to any judgment.  As I have mentioned here before – and I express in my book – there are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.  It is very important to look at a situation from all sides before making a determination about it.

High Road Challenge for the Day:  If you were caught up in this whirlwind of controversy, you can see just how easy it is to make snap decisions. Take a few minutes to think back over the past couple of weeks to a time when you made a similar rush to judgment. Was it with a family member? A store clerk? A driver who wasn’t meeting your standards for highway etiquette? Remember the importance of considering their side of the story before drawing a conclusion. And if there’s a situation in which it’s both appropriate and possible to make amends, I gently encourage you to take the high road and do so.