Take This Job and Shove It!

 

Take this job and shove it!  This is the sentiment expressed through the actions (if not the exact words, which I will not repeat) of JetBlue Flight Attendant Steven Slater this past week.  Since his dramatic, and much publicized departure from the airplane via the emergency chute, beers in hand, Slater has become a bit of a folk-hero for anyone profoundly frustrated with their job.

When thinking about writing on this subject initially, I was actually quite conflicted.  Slater’s actions were unprofessional and broke several JetBlue policies as well as FAA regulations.  That is nothing to condone, even if one can empathize with his feelings.  On the other hand, I wondered about the passenger that allegedly sparked his tirade.  Standing up and attempting to retrieve your luggage while on an active taxiway is also breaking FAA regulations.  I wondered what, if anything, is being done to prosecute her?  In researching this incident, I could not find any solid reporting on the passenger in question. Indeed there are many differing accounts of what actually happened before and after the flight.  As someone who flies for business a great deal, I certainly have seen my share of rude, self-centric passengers – as well as fatigued, snippy flight attendants.  Luckily, in my experience, both are the exception, not the norm.

This, if nothing else, is clear about this incident: neither the allegedly offending passenger nor Steven Slater was in emotional control that day.  If you are not in emotional control you are completely ineffective.  While it is very probable that the passenger’s behavior was inappropriate and perhaps abusive, she was not on-duty and representing a company (JetBlue), an industry and the FAA.  Slater was representing all of those entities at the time.  In as much, he should have taken steps to regain his emotional control before taking any action at all.  His actions will probably cost him any future in aviation as well as federal prosecution. Taking a step back to think and regain his perspective could have prevented the hardship that is inevitably in his future – public sympathy not withstanding.

High Road Challenge for the Day:  When you are brought to the brink of your emotional control and you feel like you just want to “take this job (this relationship, this co-worker, this committee) and shove it,” take a step back.  Try some of these techniques instead:

•    Breathe – When we are in stressful situations, we often forget to breathe.  This creates an oxygen deprivation in the brain.  Adrenalin kicks in at that point to compensate for that deprivation.  The combination of oxygen deprivation and adrenalin triggers animal instinct, which manifests itself in the “fight or flight” syndrome.  The best way to counteract “fight or flight” is to short-circuit the adrenalin.  The quickest means to that end is to get oxygen to the brain.  Breathing is the most under-appreciated and under-utilized stress reduction technique.  Furthermore, it’s available to every human being for free!

•    Take a break – If you find yourself hanging on to your emotional control by your very last thread, walk away from the situation.  Have an exit line that works for you and remove yourself from the situation before you fall off of that emotional cliff.  You might say something like, “I find that I am not objective in this situation.  I need a moment to pull myself together.  Let’s revisit this in ten minutes.”

•    Count 10 blessings – Most people have heard the tried and true recommendation of counting to 10.  I recommend you count 10 blessings.  I challenge you to count 10 blessings in your life and still be emotionally aggravated.  I find it works like a charm.

•    Affirmation for the moment – Have an affirmation that works for you memorized and ready to kick in when things become tense.  Something that will be playing in the back of your head, speaking to your subconscious, that keeps you in emotional control.  It might be something like, “I am always calm and confident in stressful situations.”  It might be, “Nothing this person says or does can push my buttons.”  Write something that works for you.  Make sure it is posed in the positive, it is present tense and spoken as if the goal is achieved.  Then memorize it so you can retrieve it and play it like a looping tape in the back of your mind to keep yourself in emotional control.

Tell me, what other tactics have you found that work for you in maintaining your emotional control?

Priming the Pump in the Twilight Zone

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While I was traveling home from a training swing this past week my flight was delayed out of Salt Lake City, causing me to miss my United Airlines connection in Denver.  There were no other flights out that night so I was forced to lay-over until the next day.  The earliest flight that had available seats to bring me home left Denver at 5:25 p.m. the next day.  (Is it just me?  It seems like I am always delayed and held-over at Denver Stapley airport… I am certain it is the portal to the Twilight Zone… but I digress.)

The following morning I contacted the travel department for my seminar company client to see if anything might have opened up to get me home any earlier.  The travel agent was able to book me one-way on a different carrier at 2:30 p.m.  That gained me three hours.  I was very grateful. 

I asked him why United was so heavily booked.  He said, “I don’t know.  It’s unusual.  In fact the flight you were rebooked on is completely full now.  There are no seats to be had on United out of Denver today at all.”

This got me thinking as I sat and watched people go by in the airport.  United could probably use the seat I would be giving up on the 5:25 flight.  I had a good 4 hours before my 2:30 flight was to board, so I headed off to find a United Customer Service counter.    I stepped into line behind about 12 people and began the waiting process.  Nothing happens quickly at a customer service counter and, unfortunately, everyone in line is struggling with some sort of inconvenience and therefore hovering somewhere in the grumpiness continuum.  More than once I asked myself, “Why am I standing here again?”  Yet I knew that I had plenty of time and nothing else I really needed to be doing, so I stayed in line.  After about 35 minutes, I had inched to the front of the line.

The customer service representative, Dee, was frazzled but gracious and eager to resolve whatever issue I might have.  I explained the situation to her and finished by saying, “I just wanted to let you know that I will not be on this flight at 5:25 and release the seat so you can give it to someone else.” 

She worked through the whole scenario with me again several times to make sure that she was clear on how the flights had been delayed, missed and rebooked.  Then she confirmed, “So you are traveling home today on a different carrier?” 

“That’s right,” I said.

She seemed confused. “So what do you need from me?”

“Nothing,” I said. “I just wanted to let you know that this seat is available.”

“Do you need a refund for this leg of the trip?”

“That would be terrific.  I am sure my company would appreciate that,” I replied.

“Well okay then.  Let’s get that taken care of.”

She printed off the information my client would need to receive a refund for the flight I didn’t take.  She gave that to me along with a second voucher.  “This is a voucher for $150 off your next flight with United,” she said with a smile.  “We are very sorry for your inconvenience and thank you for your courtesy today.”

Did I stand in line for 35 minutes hoping that I would receive a $150 voucher?  No I didn’t.  I didn’t even think to ask for compensation for my lost day.  I stood in line because I know that if I were desperate to get on a fully booked flight, I would want the gate agent to know there happened to be a seat that was just released.  I know that all you send into the lives of others come back into your own.  It may not be immediately.  It usually won't be in-kind.  I stood in line to prime the pump.  I was blessed to have a benefit sent back my way immediately.  It doesn’t always happen so quickly, or even in a manner that is noticeable, but that doesn’t matter.  Priming the pump is about the sending out, not the getting back.  As it says in the old Kingston Trio folk song, Desert Pete, “you have to give of yourself before you’re worthy to receive.”

High Road Challenge for the Day:  Prime the pump.  Find a need and fill it.  Give of yourself.  Send it out without expectation of what will come back.  Take a lesson from Desert Pete and give of yourself so you are worthy to receive.

This is not a dress rehearsal. Be in the moment.

This week, while attending a family dinner-out, I found myself intrigued by the people at the table next to us.  Their family grouping included kids, ranging in age from their twenties to the youngest at about six, and three adults.  Each and every time I glanced over at their table, at least one person was talking on a cell phone.  Often many of them were chatting away to invisible others.  The youngest child never seemed to lift her head from the digital game she was playing to keep herself occupied.  The restaurant was loud enough that their cell phone conversations were lost in the general hubbub, so it was not distracting from the dialog at our table.  It was, therefore, not intrusive to me; I was simply intrigued.  I thought to myself, when are they going to engage with each other?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
It is apparently becoming acceptable in 21st century etiquette to chatter away on a cell phone in very public places such as restaurants, grocery stores, sidewalks and parks.  It may not be verbal conversations at all; I often see people with their faces buried in their cell phones, Palms, Blackberries or iPhones as their fingers fly through abbreviated words to each other.

Recently I was in line to check out at the grocery store.  I was behind a woman who was engrossed in her phone conversation.  This conversation was apparently so important that she could not see her child grabbing candy off the rack and dropping it on the conveyor belt.  It was engrossing enough that she could not acknowledge the cashier who was being diligent and trying to verify that the mom really wanted to purchase all the items the child was adding.  Finally the cashier stopped ringing items altogether and waited for the woman to notice.  This delayed my transaction, and yet I had to smile.  I was not at all irritated with the cashier.  She was waiting until the woman engaged herself in the moment at hand.  (Had it lasted too long, I probably would have become irritated with the woman on the phone.  Luckily it did not take that long.)  The woman hastily wrapped up her conversation, pulled the extraneous items off the belt and paid for her groceries.  Before she wheeled her cart away, I saw her stop to dial her phone.

Had the cashier not forced the issue, I am sure the woman would have carried the conversation right through the transaction – working on muscle memory – and probably would have wondered about all the extra items in her bag once she got home.

At my son’s high school commencement ceremony this past week the principal who has guided both of my children through their high school years addressed the parents and guests in attendance.  He recounted a conversation he had with the graduating class as they assembled in the staging room, wherein he made them “pinky-swear.”  (Yes, this man is respected and loved enough by his students that even the roughest of 18 year old boys is willing to “pinky-swear” for him.)  He said, “I made them ‘pinky-swear’ that tonight – for this three hours of their lives – they will not be texting in their laps.  I implored them to….”  He paused and encouraged the graduates to finish his sentence for him.  Roughly 450 voices chimed in with, “BE IN THE MOMENT!” 

I was profoundly impressed. 

Will it last?  Probably not, but for that three hours of time each of the graduates fully experienced everything that was going on around them.  They engaged with each other and were in the moment.

High Road Challenge for the Week:  Involve yourself.  I encourage you to establish standards for yourself that preclude phone calls and texting during meals and other times when conversations with people in your immediate presence can be important.  Take the opportunity to fully engage with the people around you. Be in the moment.

There are Three Sides to Every Story

Because of my speaking business, I travel a great deal.  Sometimes it is pleasant and exciting, sometimes it is not.  I have learned over the years to go with the flow and not get too stressed about any “travel hiccups” that may occur.  My traveling actually gives me an incredible opportunity to watch people.

This past week I observed a situation that brought to mind my belief that there are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.  While waiting to board a plane in Philadelphia I struck up a conversation with a man whose flight itinerary was identical to mine.  We were both heading home to Kansas City, through Cleveland.  We exchanged the pleasantries of what we each do for a living and surface level discussions of our favorite (or least favorite) sports teams.  He boarded the plane before I did as I was seated in the very first row.

Once in Cleveland we ended up in step with each other again, heading for our connecting gate and he was eager to get my opinion of the flight attendant on the previous flight.

“Boy, that gal sure could have used some of your communication training, eh?”

I thought I knew what he probably meant, but I wanted to be sure.  “How so?”

“Well she sure wouldn’t get a tip in a restaurant.  In fact, she was a down right (expletive deleted).”

Now, this gal was not in anyway soft and cuddly to begin with.  She had a heavy Brooklyn accent and her speech patterns were fast and clipped.  Being farther back on the plane, though, he did not have the benefit of the knowledge I had. 

Sitting as I was in the very first row, I overheard a telephone conversation the flight attendant had just before closing the cabin door.  Her 16 year old son had called her – it appeared that this was his first faux pas.  The conversation went downhill from there.  He apparently had taken their only car to run an errand that day and something had happened to it.  I am not clear on those details.  The point of the conversation though was that this young man had called a friend to pick him up and left the car on the side of the road from where it was apparently towed.  He had gone back with his friend to retrieve something from the vehicle and it was no longer there.  He had no idea where the car was at that point.

The flight attendant was beside herself.  “Do you have any IDEA what towing in the city costs?  I don’t have that kind of money and neither do you.”  She expressed to him, quite forcefully, that he had better find out where the car had been towed and what it was going to take to get the car back.  She would call him when we landed in Cleveland and he had better have some answers by then.  We commiserated a bit, she and I, about how our kids “just don’t get it” and about how tight finances are for all of us.

I shared this information with the man as we walked to our connecting gate.  I said, “Can you imagine having to focus on taking care of us, while worrying about how much the towing and citation is going to cost her?  I think that may have something to do with her clipped tone.”

“Wow,” he said, “I had no idea.  I’d kill the kid.”  (I’m sure he wasn’t serious.)  “I sure hope it doesn’t cost her an arm and a leg.”

Suddenly the man had empathy for the flight attendant, rather than being so quick to label her derogatorily.

There is an old Hopi adage that my mother used to share with me: “One can’t truly know a man until he has walked a mile in that man’s moccasins.”  My spontaneous traveling partner for the trip simply needed to step into the flight attendant’s shoes for a moment to be able to forgive her seemingly poor customer service.

Several of the blogs I subscribe to have recently been bemoaning poor customer service.  Without a doubt, customer service is important.  I would be eager to share with my colleagues (and indeed have to two of them) that the cause of that customer service may be deeper than a perceived lack of work ethic.  Perhaps walking a mile in their shoes would reveal that.

There are three sides to every story.  The man’s side: he received service on the flight that was surly at best.  The flight attendant’s side: she was totally overwhelmed by the thought of the impending expense and her son’s incredible lack of responsibility.  The truth of the matter during that flight lays somewhere between these two realities.

High Road Challenge for the Day:  The next time you receive poor customer service, ask yourself the question, “What might have happened just before I arrived, that would cause this poor service?”  It may need to be a hypothetical question.  If convenient and appropriate, you might ask, in a respectful manner.  “You know, the service I received today is not up to the standard that I have come to expect from you (this establishment).  Tell me, is there something distracting you today?”  Endeavor to walk a mile in their shoes so you can see the other two sides of the story.

"Sharpen the Saw" - Getting Rid of the Clutter

I'm so excited! I have just spent the most productive two days – cleaning.  (I know, you are wondering how anyone could be excited about cleaning…)  I'm serious! I finally took time to clear my office of all the baggage I'd been hanging on to from my previous venture. (It’s only been six years!)  I tossed procedure manuals from the mid-nineties and training sessions on cassette tape. (I don’t even own a cassette player anymore!)  I cleared files that I haven’t looked at in six years, warranties for equipment that I don’t own anymore, stickers intended to go on prize posters I no longer have and monthly newsletters dating back to 1996. 

I reclaimed the space for my current business, and somehow it seems that I can suddenly breathe and think clearly about where I'm going and how to proceed with my goals.  I have space to work and blossom.  That is why cleaning can be so exciting!

In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Steven Covey has listed those habits that he has found in common among highly successful people and ways that every one of us can emulate those same behaviors. The seventh of those habits encourages us to “sharpen the saw.”  In as much as he encourages us to include specific time in our schedules for what he calls "balanced self-renewal."  Periodically we have to regain what he calls “production capability” by taking time out for ourselves. 

While Covey recommends recreational activities, I believe sometimes a good liquidation is cathartic and does the trick.  I have found that physical clutter creates emotional clutter.  Sometimes sharpening the saw involves taking the time to clear the clutter - physically, emotional and mental.  Having taken the time to do this myself,  now I can focus on those things that will keep me on the High Road and take High Road Solutions where I want it go.  I can concentrate on how to reach more people and therefore have a stronger impact.

I encourage you to do the same. Is there clutter that is preventing you from being as productive and focused as you could be?  Are there things you are tripping over time and again because you refuse to see it or deal with it?  Is it physical clutter that needs to be gone through and purged?  Is it emotional baggage that is preventing you from fully committing to the High Road with both feet?  Is it mental haziness that can be clarified through mind-mapping or further research?  Taking the time to recognize these and clear them out will be a big step toward increasing your "production capability."

High Road challenge for the day: Identify the sources of clutter in your life’s endeavors and “sharpen the saw.”  Do so by liquidating, tossing, filing and streamlining - so that you can think clearly again and regain the High Road clarity you need to be productive and have the strongest impact.

High Road Diplomacy and Customer Service

My husband and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate our twenty-fifth Valentines Day together.  I recommended a restaurant that he had never been to.  He called to make a reservation and was advised that they don’t accept reservations and yes, they expected to be very busy.  For that reason we decided to go a bit earlier than we normally would.

When we arrived the gal at the door smiled up at us and said, “How many?” 

“Two, please.”

“Do you have a reservation?” she asked.

“No, we were told that you don’t accept reservations.”

“Well, I don’t know who would have told you that.  We’ll do our best to squeeze you in, it will probably be about 55 minutes,” she said as she handed me a pager.

55 minutes seemed reasonable on the Saturday before Valentines Day, so we sat down to “people-watch” and bide our time. About thirty minutes into our vigil, a trio of women sat down beside us and continued a heated discussion they were having about the projected wait time.  They had apparently arrived a half an hour before we had and their wait time kept growing each time they checked with the desk.  Hmmm, this didn’t bode well for our seating.  Shortly there after, one of the three had some extremely testy words with the manager and they were seated fairly quickly.

An hour and 15 minutes into our adventure, Ron got up to check with the desk.  She advised him that it would be another 15 to 20 minutes, but we were welcome to sit in the bar if we could find a seat there.  20 more minutes passed and I approached the desk to check one more time.

“Can you give me a realistic estimate of when a table will be available for Lauren-party-of-two?”

“Oh, it shouldn’t be much longer,” she smiled, “about another 15 – 20 minutes.”

It might have been the grimace on my face… I’m not sure… but the manager stepped in at that point.  “Hi, my name is Steve.  I’m the General Manager.  How can I help?”  I shared our dilemma with him.  “Ah, the challenge is fitting the walk-ins in with the reservations.  We guarantee seating within 10 minutes of a reservation time.”

“Here is my concern,” I said.  “When we called to make a reservation we were advised that you did not take reservations.  I have also heard several people discussing calling ahead to get their name on the list.  This possibility was not offered to us either when we called.”

“I am so sorry for this inconvenience,” he said.  “I can see why you might be frustrated.  Let me clarify our policies for you.  We do indeed accept reservations, and we normally accept same day reservations.  Today we had to cut off the reservations because there were so many.  I am sure that is what she meant when she said that we don’t take reservations.  We also do recommend calling ahead to get your name on our waiting list.”

“Ah,” I replied. “I believe there was just a fundamental break-down in communication.  Had it been explained to us in that manner when we called, we would have understood – and we probably would have made a different choice, at least for this very busy evening.”  Then I added, “I have eaten here for lunch several times and enjoyed it greatly.  That is why I recommended it to my husband who has never been here.”

Steve nodded, “I understand.”  He walked over to introduce himself to my husband and said, “Let me see what I can do to get you a table.”  We were seated within 2 minutes.  We had a wonderful dinner and Steve arranged for complimentary dessert.

I believe the whole encounter is an excellent lesson in High Road diplomacy and customer service.  My husband truly hates being a “squeaky wheel,” such as the grousing trio that had been sitting next to us – although it did get them a table immediately.  I chose a High Road solution and explained the reason for our concern and confusion.  I followed that with a “what’s in it for Steve” moment when I explained that I had recommended the restaurant to my husband.  The unspoken message was simply, “Is this the first impression you want him to have?”  I find High Road strategies to always be most effective.  (I would bet that the grumpy trio did not get a free dessert out of it.)  Furthermore, Steve’s customer service at that point was impeccable.  He saw a problem brewing and tackled it immediately.  He made us feel valued and respected, fixed the problem and then went the extra mile to leave a positive impression.  That is a model for exceptional, High Road customer service.

So here is a High Road shout-out to Steve Kyriazis and the Elephant Bar Restaurant in Overland Park, KS.  The food is excellent.  When you decide to go on a busy night... make sure you have reservations!